Forget Me Nots and Second Thoughts
by Fayern
Summary: After their night together, Hawke is stuck in a battle with herself and something has to change. But what if they spoke about it instead of letting it go for so long? And what if someone else tried to sweep her off her feet? All is fair in love and war after all. And there's nothing wrong with taking advantage of that, is there? (I'm terrible at summaries, more inside in the AN)
1. Prologue and Author's Note

High Town was quiet. Or rather, it was quiet now. All that could be heard was a gasp of pain and the sickening sound of a blade tearing through flesh. Lucrecia Hawke gave a tired sigh as she removed her blade from the stomach of the last Dog Lord that had made its way up from Low Town. She saw the light fade from his eyes and knew he was gone before he hit the ground. Returning her great sword to its hold on her back, she looked up from the bodies sprawled about the darkened cobblestone streets and towards the abandoned manor where a certain white haired Tevinter elf that had unfortunately occupied a great deal of her free thoughts this past year, had taken up residence.

Flashbacks of the passionate night before racked through her and she shook her head of the tears that gathered at the corners of her eyes and threatened to fall. 'It didn't mean anything.' Her fist made contact with the cold cobble of the walls leading down to the entrance of the darkened home. 'Not to him.' A broken sob escaped her before she bit down on her bottom lip. The taste of iron came quickly and mingled with that of salt. Oddly enough, the taste soothed some of the tightness in her chest, the churning of her stomach. With one last look towards the crumbling manor, she turned and walked away. Sad eyes of a dulled emerald followed the woman's retreating back until she could no longer be seen and the curtains of an upper story window fell back into place. Unknown to Hawke, a strangled cry echoed out into the night.

* * *

><p>Author's Note~!<p>

Hello everyone and thank you for taking the time to look at my little old story. This is something I've been kind of molding for a while. Bioware did a wonderful job paining pictures for us, but they couldn't show everything to us that may have happened in the years between the beginning of the F!Hawke and Fenris romance so I kind of played with it a little using my Hawke as an inspiration. This is a story about the feelings after that first night, of how both parties felt when Fenris left that night. What if they did talk about what happened between them, even if just a little? Would it affect their ability to work together? How? It is also about Hawke and her feelings on the stress of the weight on her shoulders. Taking care of her family, of friends, of all the things expectations of her as ring leader of her little makeshift family and as the Champion of Kirkwall. It is of her strengths, of her insecurities. Her triumphs and her failures. It is also about what would happen if someone tried to help along the little Wolf's return to their fierce bird of prey, and the mayhem that would ensue if our glowy elf felt jealousy. It is still in the process of writing, but I'm already fairly certain that although it is going to hug closely to at least some of the main plot of Dragon Age II, it may very not follow the plot line completely. And I know the thoughts of OC's might turn off some people in fan fictions so I will warn you now, there is one in it. He's fabulous but he does exist. If you don't like that, you may want to stop reading now, if not, enjoy the ride.

I apologize if my characters seem too OOC.

Reviews and such are very welcome, so is criticism as long as it's not rude.

**Much love, Fayern.**

P.S. Disclaimer: I unfortunately don't own anything but the storyline, my take on personalities, and the OC. All settings, scenes, characters, and actual plot from Dragon Age II belong to Bioware because they are Gods.


	2. Chapter One

It was a week after her moment of weakness in front of the old Tevinter Magister's manor. She sent word to the rest of her companions, minus Fenris, to talk about the new job that Hawke picked up. She made a huge effort to stay away from her friends for the majority of the past week, wanting to be by herself as she pieced her heart back together. While she was able and ready to take on work again, she wasn't willing to see the elf that had put her in that position. Whether he meant to hurt her or not, she couldn't handle it again. She would be back to square one, and she just could not, would not let that happen. Not that she would let her companions know, Oh no. She would stay the strong and independent leader that they've always known, even if it was only on the outside. Until she was truly back to normal, she couldn't even think of speaking about the incident with anyone. Not even Aveline, who had become somewhat of a makeshift sister over the years.

The Hanged man was bustling with people by the time that Hawke had arrived for the meeting. Her eyes widened as she opened the door to the loud and rowdy crowd that invaded the tavern. The scene brought a smile to her lips and she shook her head in disbelief. Maker, it figured that the place would be infested with the drunks of the weekend the one-day they decided to meet up. She made her way through the crowd and to the back where Varric's rented room was. On her way she waved over to Isabela who returned it on her way out to do... whatever it was she did when she wasn't with 'd already talked and seeing as Hawke wasn't taking the pirate with her, neither really saw a legitimate reason for her to be at the meeting if she didn't want to be. She took a seat at the table in the middle of the room and swiped Varric's mug of ale, taking a swig of it before jumping right into the details of the mission. Varric grabbed his drink back and called down for another round of drinks before turning to Hawke.

"So it's a trip down to the Wounded Coast this time, then? The extermination of some bandits or slavers perhaps?" The dwarf tossed Hawke a look before knocking back the rest of his ale. "You already know I'll help you, but I've got a question. Is this just a fun little outing for some loot or a means to relieve stress?"

"Think of it as a work out of sorts. Of course the coin we may bring in is always appreciated." Hawke shot him a little look of warning but when Varric smiled over at her she couldn't help but return it. You see, where as Aveline is definitely the closest female party member, Varric was the closest to Hawke in terms of men without it being of a romantic standpoint. She knew very well that the rouge knew something was up and she expected at least a few questions either after the major part of their meeting was over or on the road. She wasn't worried about that at the moment, though. She was nervous about this next part. Hawke knew that by changing around her normal party of choice, questions would be raised. But this change just had to be done. "Anyway, yes, it'll just be a sweep of the Coast. We'll probably hit a few groups of bandits and a slaver cove or two, but our main goal is to get the new party layout used to fighting together." Hawke looked around at each of the people seated at the table. Anders and Merrill looked up at her from their drinks, now at full attention, and Aveline gave her a look of pure confusion.

"New party members?" the guard leaned towards Hawke with suspicious eyes. "But you always take the same three people. It's almost always been you, Anders, Varric, and-"

"Yes well," She cut Aveline off, not allowing the last name to be spoken. "Not this time, Anders and Varric will be coming but that's where the old routine ends. I'm not bringing-" At this point the door opened and the very person they were speaking of made his entrance. Hawke sighed and took a drink of her ale. Perhaps this was too early to do this. Fenris seemed surprised to see them all there; he shifted his gaze to Hawke before looking away.

"A meeting? Are we… going somewhere?" He looked to her again and this time she was the one to avert her eyes.

"I was just telling these three about our next little adventure," she said from behind her mug of ale. Hawke held her head high but her hands were slightly shaky. Inside she was pleading with the Maker that he would not push this.

"Hawke, when were you going to tell me of this?" He stepped closer and took the seat beside her.

"I don't see why I would have at all considering I wasn't taking you with," She turned towards him and went to take a swig of her drink but stopped when she saw his face. He almost looked hurt. Chalking it off to the alcohol, she continued. "In fact, I'd like you all to meet someone." As she said this, the door opened again and Hawke grinned.

A tall man walked through the door, clad in nice fitting black trousers and a dark blue button down that remained mostly undone. He was pale, but not unhealthily so with somewhat messy raven hair that brushed his shoulders. He had eyes of a brilliant scarlet that sparkled with promises of mischief when they met Hawke's. Lips turned up into a smile and gave a flash of almost inhumanly sharp canines. But what really surprised Fenris was this. When the man got closer, Hawke rose up and was pulled into a tight embrace. Fenris got a glance of slightly pointed ears, not exactly elfish, but not really human either. When they separated, the stranger's arm remained around Hawke's waist and Fenris' eyes narrowed. He could tell he wasn't going to like this guy already.

"Everyone, this is Fai, I met him when he was traveling through Ferelden and we became friends." Fai smiled, gave a small wave at the group, and continued for her.

"We wrote after I left but once the Blight hit, I lost track of her. I was in the area and ran into her the other day." Fenris looked from Hawke to Fai and couldn't quite put a finger on what he was feeling.

How dare he hold her that way? Fenris kept his eyes on the hand that now rested on Hawke's hip. Hawke was his! No… He'd lost the right to say that on that night when he'd walked away. But maker take it, that didn't change the fact that his blood boiled with rage at the thought of their beautiful yet fierce leader in the arms of another man! He sighed and shook his head slightly, now utterly confused at what exactly he wanted. While the newcomer got acquainted with the group, Fenris seemed to be off in his own little world. He missed the company that Hawke provided. Their discussions, both fun and serious, that had often lasted long into the nights had almost made him feel that a semi normal life might be possible for him after he'd found his revenge. No, not normal. Nothing to do with Hawke was ever normal. But he'd had a home of sorts now, he didn't have to run anymore, didn't want to. He had… friends now. That idea seemed strange to him, but it was all he could consider his companions. But Hawke was… Hawke was in a class all her own.

Hawke's smile faded as she felt eyes staring at her back. She bit her lip and tore her attention away from Fai, to look at the elf that had been glaring at the two of them for damn near half an hour now. This is what he'd wanted wasn't it? Said he couldn't do this. Her fingers tightened around the mug in her hand. His gaze shifted to her face before snapping to the ground at his feet. She let out a light snort and turned back to the group. Her lips upturned some at the extremely over exaggerated tale Varric was telling of one of their adventures. Inserting a full-blown dragon in the dragonling's place. Not that they hadn't fought one on occasion. A shiver ran up her spine as emerald hues locked onto her back once more, but she simply shook her head and ignored it.

Fenris paced the length of the deteriorating sitting room, cursing under his breath as he threw the bottle of wine he'd had in hand at the wall. The shattered remains made a light 'tinking' noise as they littered the floor. He moved quickly along the cold stone floor, digging his hands into the white strands atop his head. His mind was reeling with all sorts of what ifs thanks to the end of the gathering tonight. His lips curled into a deeper frown as the thought back on what had happened just before the group went their separate ways. The darker haired male had already set up for lodging at the inn on the other side of town, rejecting the invitation to stay at the Hawke Estate every time the insistence left the girl's lips. Fenris was pleased to know that Fai would not be staying under the same roof as their fearless leader. Because although he knew that he had no right to be irritated at the fact that she may indeed have feelings for the strange man, he couldn't help the twisting, burning sensation that appeared in his stomach whenever he so much as thought of another being by her side. He wouldn't voice these feelings of his of course. His joy was short had though; as the male assured her that he would visit her lovely home quite often during his stay in Kirkwall. Fenris had been absolutely livid at the idea, if the other man had been just a friend the situation, but the way it was he found himself constantly wondering what the relationship between the two was and it was driving him mad. He couldn't be with her, but he couldn't seem to let her go. Venhedis! He just didn't know what to do. He gazed out the window and down the street towards the main part of High Town, towards the Hawke Estate, and shook his head before heading to the door. He just had to speak to her. It didn't have to be about this, about them, he just needed to be near her. Damn him, he couldn't bare to push her away.


	3. Chapter Two

Hawke sat up in the sitting room, her nose in one of the some hundred books from the shelves lining the walls. Yes, she was a seasoned fighter, but that didn't mean she didn't enjoy a good read now and then. Books had quite often taken up all of her free time. Whenever she got any that is, even the nights she was home there was often other things to do, responding to letters asking assistance of some sort, writing letters to her sister in the circle, or taking care of things that were normally left to Bodahn on the rare occasions the dwarven man and his son Sandal took a day off for whatever reason.

The book she'd buried her face into this time was a romance that had struck home in sorts, the main male lead having qualms about staying due to unfortunate circumstances in his past; great. At least this story had a better ending than hers had. She sighed and thought back to that evening at the Hanged Man. The situation with Fenris had been strange indeed. After that night she had started to wonder if she was wrong about Fenris having feelings for her. Began to think that perhaps he'd only seen her as a friend regardless of the flirting they seemed to do so often. But tonight she thought she'd caught a hint of emotion in him that she never thought she'd see. Hawke could have sworn that Fenris had been at least a little bit jealous. Perhaps there was hope for them yet. But she wouldn't get her hopes up, doing so would do her no good and she finally started feeling okay again. At least she wasn't feeling like her heart was being repeatedly ripped out and stepped on. The best thing for her to do would be to sit back and watch how things progressed for now. And if he was jealous, she could use it to her advantage, make him come to her and right things or even just explain where she went wrong. Why they couldn't try to work through it. Hawke shrugged her shoulders and slipped back into her book.

A soft knocking at the door roused Hawke from the little world her novel had pulled her into. She raised her head and listened for the light rapping again, when it sounded once more she sighed and placed her marker in the book before placing the book on the table. Hawke rose from her chair in front of the fireplace and made her way down the grand staircase then through the hall to the large oak double doors.

Placing a hand on each of the large brass door handles, she wretched the old doors open, peering out at the person on the other side. Her hands dropped back to her sides just as the other person brushed past her on his way into the house.

"Yes, please just come on in and make yourself comfortable." She said sarcastically, closing the door behind him to keep out the cold night air. She turned and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well I don't mind if I do! Thank you for the wonderful invitation, my lovely Serah Hawke," Fai gave a big grin and gave an over dramatic bow.

"I know I said to come visit whenever you felt the urge to, but I really wasn't expecting you tonight." She shook her head some but couldn't help return that infectious smile.

The two of them made their way into the main chamber of the estate and she came to lean against the end of the stair railing. Fai took a seat on one of the bottom few stairs and gazed up at the raven haired woman. The pair where happily catching up, chatting away about all sorts of things. Politics, adventures, and family; everything had that same comfortable air that always seemed to be around the two. That is, until it came to that subject.

"So," Fai started although he stopped, as if choosing his words very carefully. "You and that man, the elf, what happened there?"

"Uhm…." Hawke kept her gaze everywhere except her friend, before finding the fireplace particularly interesting.

"Lucrecia, don't even try to lie to me about this." He shifted himself on the stair he was perched on to catch a glimpse of her face and gave her a stern look that caused her to groan.

Maker, this boy knew her far too well. She gave a long sigh and plopped down beside him on the stairs.

"Damn you, Fai!" She gave a light huff and rested her head on his shoulder. "Sometimes I absolutely hate how well you seem to get me."

Fai gave a light snort and wrapped his arm around the woman's shoulders, the reassuring touch made Hawke smile a little.

"You only hate it when it leads to you having to talk about things," he mused. "But you know damn well that it always helps, so start talking."

So she did. She told him everything, start to finish. She told him of the first time she'd met the runaway slave, the first time he'd made her heart jump at just how strikingly handsome she'd found him. She told him about the late night talks and the witty banter, of the heartache and troubles that had come before they'd been together even, and of the night that should have meant everything but only broke her. Her voice had started out strong in the beginning but wavered throughout her little rant of sorts, and by the end of it she sounded frail almost, weak. The hand that he'd had resting on her shoulder gave small comforting squeezes through her tale, and his crimson hues looked on at the poor girl with worry.

Finally when she'd stopped, he noticed she was shaking slightly, so he enveloped her in his arms and hugged her tight. She hated to show weakness, he knew that. He also knew that she'd probably cried her eyes out for at least the whole night after it happened. Hell, she'd probably tapped into the estate's wine cellar too. But he knew that more than anything; she needed someone, anyone to lean on, even if she wouldn't admit it to herself. He was okay with playing this role, because he just couldn't stand to see someone like Hawke in this state. It just wasn't right.

"You know," he started off, a thoughtful look crossing over his features. "If you really wanted to figure out if it meant nothing to him there is one thing you could do"

"And what would that be?" She eyed him curiously, not liking the way this mischievous grin spread out on his lips.

"Well… There's no better way to knock some sense into someone then good old fashioned jealousy, right?" The grin only grew as he elaborated on his plan.

Hawke returned his smile and a spark lit up in her eyes. This might just work, and even if it didn't, it would be amusing to see the other's reactions at the very least. Honestly, if it were anyone but Fai this would be very awkward. But the way the two of them acted naturally together, it wouldn't be hard to pull off the indications of a relationship between them. Her brother had certainly questioned it before, leading to him disliking Fai a great deal for the longest of times. She shrugged her shoulders and got to her feet, leading Fai into the main library where they curled up on the couch in front of the fire and talked away as only good friends do.


	4. Chapter Three

Another soft knock resonated through the old manor but this time Hawke allowed Bodahn to answer it. She stated nestled up against the dark haired male, perfectly content and warm. Bodahn knocked twice on the library door and announced a guest before entering. She chuckled at something Fai whispered in her ear but her laughter faded as she saw just who entered. The silver haired man who entered the room stopped focused his gaze on the two and stopped for a split second before closing the door behind him.

Hawke gaze a small smile and waved a hand from her place in front of the fire. He nodded his head in acknowledgement but his eyes remained locked on her companion. She looked between the two men who seemed hell bent on carrying out a stare down and hid a smile behind the throw that was wrapped loosely around shoulders. Maybe he was right after all, maybe this would work.

"Fenris, what a surprise. I didn't know you were coming to visit tonight." She gave him another warm smile and he finally turned that emerald gaze on her. The cold look in his eyes softened some and the corner of his mouth tilted up a bit. Her heart did a little flip in her chest. No, bad Hawke.

"Yes, I'd wanted to talk to you about some things." He gestured to the two of them, "But I fear I may be interrupting something."

"Nonsense!" Hawke started to move from her comfortably warm position to stretch, but no sooner did she stop stretching did Fai have his arm slung casually around her waist. She had to force herself not to grin. "Fai and I were just discussing some of our old memories from our times in Ferelden."

"Yes, many rather... strange things happened with us in our youth back home." The dark haired man grinned wolfishly. "Isn't that right, Hawke?"

"Indeed. But those days were so grand. We were rather carefree back then."

"So Hawke was getting herself into strange situations even then? It wasn't something that she'd just recently picked up coming to Kirkwall?" Fenris leaned forward, elbows rested on his knees.

"Oh Maker, yes. She's a magnet for the unusual! And for trouble as well." Fai looked over at Hawke and nudged her. "But it was generally when we were together that the funniest things took place. Right my dear?"

"Yes, like that one time, right before you left?" Her eyes shined with mirth and her shoulders should with pent up laughter as she thought back on a particular memory. "Fai here was the cause of this one, he'd managed to get on my father's bad side and the poor boy was scared shitless."

"Hey! Your father was a force to be reckoned with!" Fai cried out in defense. "And any father would be if they thought what Malcolm did."

"And who's fault was that?" Hawke mused, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Well... Mine I suppose. But your brother didn't have to go spouting off his mouth!" He pouted some and leaned back against the plush cushions behind him. "He's not even older than you, why is he playing the protective big brother? Deflowering his sister, my ass."

She gave a light snort as Fai glowered at the thought. "Well some of the things we were saying that night..."

"I know it probably SOUNDED dirty, but in all honesty that sword really was stuck, all rusted in place and stuff. He cracked a grin. "It was totally innocent, I swear."

"Yeah," Hawke scoffed. "For once in your life that mind of yours wasn't in the gutter."

Fenris blinked, looking between the two of them now utterly confused. Perhaps they were just good friends. Now he really didn't know. It would be tough if they did have feelings for each other, though. Considering how close they were, it would be nearly impossible for anyone else to capture her heart. He had smiled some throughout their little talk, he could definitely see how a situation like that could have gone downhill rather quickly when involving Carver. He may act like a pompous ass at times, but he really did care about his older sister when it came down to it. And he didn't let anyone give her shit if he had anything to say about it. He gazed into the crackling fire and gave a light sigh. He really hoped the two of them wouldn't take too long reminiscing; otherwise he feared he might lose his nerve. After all the things he'd figured, a talk with a woman would be one of the things to unnerve him the most. How ironic. The elf was snapped back to reality when he caught the movement of Fai getting up off the couch from the corner of his eye.

Fenris rose as well and moved to stare at the crest above the fireplace, only half listening to the pair that chatted the whole way down the hall. Leandra was heard, barely a whisper, saying goodnight to Fai and telling him it was wonderful to see him again. That he could come back anytime for dinner or a place to stay. His heart clenched painfully at the idea of the stranger taking her up on that offer. He heard the door close and multiple sets of footsteps. Two were headed off in the opposite direction, Bodahn and Sandal going to bed in the rather plush servant's no doubt. He knew Hawke dismissed Orana right after supper to spend the rest of her night as she pleased and he hadn't seen her so he figured her already in bed. Two sets also came towards the library, however as one stopped off in front of the door, the other passed by with a whispered goodnight and went right up the stairs. Lady Leandra must have been retiring as well. He turned as the door opened again and nodded to Hawke. shifting somewhat awkwardly under her gaze.

"So... You needed to talk to me, Fenris?" Hawke came to stand before him, hands clasped behind her back as she swayed back and forth.

"Well about that, I was going to ask.." Fenris stared into the crimson hues of her eyes and felt his heart skip a beat, his breath catch, and for a split second he was taken back to that night. He had to stop himself from reaching out to her.

"Yes...?" She gave him with a questioning look, this behavior of his was just downright weird coming from the white haired warrior.

"About the-" About the other night, can you forgive me? Can you tell how I feel about you? "About the trip, why aren't I going with you?" He cursed himself on the inside for being such a coward.

Hawke's expression just got more confused before she broke out in a grin and a series of giggles erupted from her. She shook her head and breathed a sigh of relief. "That's all? Maker Fenris, with the way you were acting I thought something was seriously wrong." She sobered up and looked at him again.

"Does it bother you that much?" She pinned him with a curious gaze. She'd come to realize that unless she evicted the elf from the group completely, she would have to come to terms with what had happened between them. Plus talking about it with Fai really did help quite a bit, although she'd never tell him so.

"Why wouldn't it? I mean we have always..." What? Been together? He let out a puff of air and shook his head. " It is strange not going with you because it is what I have always done, so yes it does bother me."

"I'd just figured that after what happened, we could both use a break from each other." She let out a sigh. "Perhaps I was wrong in assuming so, at least in your case."

"Hawke..." He tore his fingers through those silvery locks and a sound of annoyance bubbled up from his throat. "I never wanted this for us, you have to know that. I just... I couldn't... I can't..."

"Hush." He looked up at her and she could tell that he really hadn't meant to hurt her. Not that it had really made a difference... Maybe it did, she didn't know at this point. But she had noticed as he raised his hand to his head, that he'd had a piece of silk tied round his wrist now. She gave a secret smile, having come to the realization that it was quite close to the silk sheets up on her bed in her room. Those same sheets had been 'torn' recently and she hadn't been able to figure the cause. "I know you didn't, or at least I hoped so. I understand, Fenris. I may not like it or your reasoning, but I do understand."

"I'm glad.. So does this mean that I can come with you all on your little excursion?" Fenris visibly relaxed and flashed her one of those little half smiles that kicked her poor little heart into overdrive, no matter how battered or bruised it was.

"Unfortunately not, I am still taking Fai to the Wounded Coast with us." Fenris strode towards her.

"But Hawke I know you, the way we work together is unmatched. I can-" He started but she cut him off, and maybe that was a good thing. He'd wanted to choose his words carefully. She was more than capable of protecting herself. He knew that. But he couldn't help but feel like if he wasn't there to watch her back, she'd fall. She'd fall and he wasn't sure he could handle that. He'd been more than willing to make some risky movements in the past to make sure no major harm came her way. It had yet to lead to major injuries for either of them, but there was always that chance.

"I said I understood, Fenris." She smiled sadly. "But I'm not sure I'm ready just yet. Next time, okay? It still hurts a little."

"Hawke." He reached out to touch her arm and the minute his fingers brushed her, he felt that little lightning bolt. With the way she jolted, he knew she did too but she backed away. He felt like he'd been slapped, his arm remained extended in air for a moment before dropping back to his side. "I understand..."

"Thank you, I really didn't want this to be any harder than it already has." He only nodded in acknowledgment.

Hawke turned towards the shelves at her back and scanned through the titles. Suddenly that romance novel that she had started earlier didn't seem so appealing anymore, happy ending or not. After all, it seemed there was no happy ending of that sort in her near future and perhaps she was bitter. No, she wanted something different, an action perhaps, maybe a thriller. Once she found one that peeked her interests, she plucked it from the shelf and turned back to him.

"Well, it's getting late, so I'm going to retire to my bedchamber." She met his gaze and neither of them spoke for a moment. "Would you like me to walk you to the door or?"

"No, I can see myself out. It is cold tonight, it would bite right through your house attire." He cast her one more look, one that spoke volumes, like he had so much more to say. But then he turned away as if he couldn't bare to look at her anymore. "Thank you, Lucrecia. I know now that talking to me isn't... Isn't easy right now."

She watched him walk away and waited until he'd made it out the main doors before she extinguished the fire and made her way out of the library. Taking the stairs up to both her and her mother's rooms, she thought back on those last few moments. She'd been foolish to think he'd have some sort of change of heart and stay with her tonight, but it still made her sad. At the same time, he seemed so... so broken that last few moments and it drove her crazy.

Curling up in her bed, Hawke nestled herself under her warm quilt. Her mind wandered to the silk that had been tied around his wrist and now that she thought about it, her family crest had been attacked to his belt as well, hadn't it? They were given out as a... A novelty of sorts once she'd gotten back from the Deep Roads and the Manor back from the Viscount. Varric had them commissioned from one of the best blacksmiths around. It was almost embarrassing but she'd let the dwarf do it for her regardless. One had been made for every single companion she'd had, and she had a matching one. But no one wore them. Now that she thought about it, he'd been wearing it since that night... Was it some sort of favor towards her? She groaned and nuzzled her face into the fluffy feather pillows. The book she brought to bed long forgotten beside her. Sometimes she didn't think she'd ever understand that man.


	5. Chapter Four

Fenris sat at a table in the back of the Hanged Man, sighed to himself, eyes scanning the crowd. He should just go home. Hell, he didn't want to be here in the first place, but today Hawke and her party had gone out to the wounded Coast and should be due back by now if she was being truthful about it being an average scoping out of the area. Bandits moved back into the dens regularly, and they'd taken it upon themselves to sweep the areas every once in a while to clean them out. That sure as hell didn't take all day. He wanted to see her, wanted to make sure she was okay. That lingering sense of fear had been with him all day, creeping up his spine and leaving him with a dread that irritated him. He didn't feel like he was being rational but these years on the run made him trust at least some part of that instinct. But nobody was here but Carver who was with a few of his companions from the Templars. And there was no way Fenris was joining him over there.

So that was how he ended up in this situation, sitting all by himself at a tiny table surrounded by a bunch of foul smelling drunks. He sighed again and shook his head, ready to stand up and just go back to his crumbling mansion where he could at least have peace enough to think when he caught sight of someone familiar. He spotted Varric talking with Carver, who in turn shot up from his seat and tore through the crowd to get to the door. Fenris rushed to catch Varric on his way back out the door. They were outside of the bar when he finally caught up with the dwarf. He placed a hand on the shorter man's shoulder, promptly scaring the miss out of the rouge.

"ANDRASTE'S TITS!" Varric jumped and sung around to face what he thought was an attacker, hand reaching for Bianca. It was late at night and Low Town wasn't exactly known for hospitality. "Broody, what the hell?!"

"Sorry." Fenris bit back the oncoming urge to smirk at sneaking up on him. "I was trying to catch you before you left."

"Well what do you want?" The dwarf shot him an anxious look and fought the urge to wring his hands. "I need to get back."

"I was just wondering why the group wasn't meeting up here for the usual after party." The elf suddenly realized how foolish he was being. He was acting like a lovesick child. Attempting to get an eyeful of the girl he fancied whenever possible.

"We aren't here" Varric started, and Fenris didn't like the look in his eyes. Varric looked far too serious for Fenris to be comfortable. The beardless dwarf was never serious. "Because Hawke was badly injured. We just got her moved from Ander's clinic to home a little bit ago. Sleeping Beauty still hasn't woken from her slumber."

More words came after that, he saw them form on the dwarf's lips but he didn't hear them. He didn't hear anything but noise. White noise that stretched on and screeched into his sensitive ears. He visibly paled as the imagined Hawke, his Hawke laying bloody and broken. He knew it, he knew he should have gone with. Fenris realized he seemed to forget how to breathe and forcibly expelled a large breath of air from his lungs. It calmed him, even if only on the outside and he grasped Varric's shoulders. "What. Happened?"

The rogue shifted awkwardly as if he shouldered the blame himself and it was far too heavy a load for him to carry. But Fenris knew better, the man would rather die than let his best friend be hurt willingly.

"We were already a little worn out by the Carta thugs we pushed out of a few caves along the coast. It wasn't too bad, the usual bump and bruise. Couldn't find their ass with both hands. And I never had to worry about her back with you there so I wasn't as worried about keeping an eye on her and the little playboy." Varric's took a deep breath before continuing "They worked well enough together and you could tell it wasn't their first fight side by side. But when we came back in, we swung by High Town and that scumbag who runs the Bone Pit, what was his name? Anyway, he told her that the miners were bitching and moaning about something in the areas beyond the Pit. Said it was her problem since her bit of the partnership covered protecting the place."

Fenris nodded stiffly and crossed his arms over his chest, the metallic claws of his gauntlets digging into his skin harshly but he barely felt it. They'd cleared the dragons out of there three years ago, could have been bandits or ghost stories. But if they uncovered another nest, well that was a whole different story. The dragon they'd taken down before was one of the toughest battles they'd ever had and it was still practically a babe, although it made the one in the Deep Roads a little easier. He motioned for him to continue.

"There was another Dragon. This one was much like the one from years ago, a little older and more experienced perhaps. It had Dragonlings swarming around it and Anders and I got a little overwhelmed. Turned our backs for but a second and then we'd heard her scream." Ah, so this was why he seemed to be so antsy about getting back to her, about what happened. As much as he understood, there wasn't much the Rogue could do by himself against the beast. Where the hell had the other sword arm been?

"It batted Fai away like a kitten playing with a mouse and then it... It bit into her and shook her around like a toy." Varric clenched and unclenched his fists at his side. "It didn't take long for him to get back on his feet, but it didn't take long for it to maim her, either. She fought a little but then she was just... limp. Fai rushed it, managed to puncture the hide over it's heart and pissed it off enough to make it toss her away and Anders immediately started on her. Between my bolts and his sword, we managed to pierce the damn thing a million times over. By the time I got to her Blondie... He got the bleeding to stop for the most part but we ran out of Lyrium potions. By the time we got her back, she'd been jostled enough to reopen the puncture wounds. It was ugly and took hours to fully close them. But he did a damn good job." He smiled a little at that and pulled a flask from an inner jacket pocket. Taking a long draw from it, he passed it to Fenris who did the same. "You can barely tell anything happened now, on the outside anyway. But Blondie has put her under strict bed rest. It's entirely possible for there to be complications inside. Worst case scenario of course. And you know our Hawke. Anyway I just came to let Junior know before I go discuss some business with that nug humping sleaze ball in Hightown."

The elf slowly felt himself relax and his arms fell down to his sides. The punctures in his forearms were nothing, they'd heal soon enough. And if anything, it was a reminder of what happened. He wasn't there and their fierce bird fell. As far as Fenris was concerned, he was just as much to blame as Varric then. He could have forced his way in, pissed off Hawke be damned. Could have followed them in secret, could have done something. But he didn't. As he followed Varric up the way to Hightown only one other thought crossed his mind. Yes, he blamed himself. But this fault fell even heavier on someone else. He vaguely wondered how angry their leader would be if he decided to take dealing out the punishment himself. She was already upset with him now, what was one more charge on his door?


	6. Chapter Five

Pacing in front of the Hawke Manor, the elf's mind was racing. Did she want to see him? Would they even let him in? Her mother would understand Carver or Aveline even, they were basically a family. Anders would be warranted, the abomination being her healer. And Varric was the girl's best friend, anyone could see that. But what was he? Just that elf companion of hers. Leandra was always kind to him, yes but did she really see him as one of the girl's friends? Did she see him as a hired hand? Did she know what he did, did she hate him as any right mother would considering what he'd done to her daughter? By this point he found himself at the door, hand raised for him to knock. For how long, he had no idea but soon enough the door opened. Had he been that loud? Leandra Hawke looked out at him, the gray haired woman seemed shocked to see the warrior but quickly that shock turned to a smile and her eyes softened considerably.

"My my, what a surprise. Hello Fenris." Leandra opened the door wider and motioned him into the house. As she did, she called out to Orana to make sure they had some sort of Spirits out and see if Hawke was awake. Fenris got a small glimpse of the small blonde elf scurry her way over to the stairway and up to the living areas above. The two sat in the small sitting room off to the right of the main chamber.

"I assume you are here to see my daughter?" She reached out for the wine bottle on the table but Fenris got it before her. He shot her a small smile and poured some of the rich, dark liquid into the two wine glasses left out on the table. Leandra laughed and shook her head, curling her finger about the stem of one glass and bringing it to her lips. "You've heard what happened then?"

"I am and I have. I'm very sorry that this has happened." He picked up his own glass and swirled the red liquid around, seeming more content on studying it than drinking it.

"And why exactly weren't you there today?" Fenris froze and Leandra hid a secretive little smile behind her glass. "You're usually her other sword, yes? It is not often that she comes to harm. Certainly even rarer when you are present."

The elf shifted uncomfortably and took a heavy drink of his wine. When he had calmed a little he spoke up, sounding much more calm than he actually was. "Yes well, she wanted to take that other Warrior with her, Fai was it? The two of them must have had much to catch up on."

This drew a laugh from the woman and she gave him a knowing smile. "Yes, well hopefully they catch up quickly."

Just as she finished Orana poked her head in the door and peered in. "Mistress Hawke is awake and willing to take more visitors, Lady Leandra."

Leandra rose to her feet and Fenris followed suit. She walked Fenris to the staircase and turned to him, a hand coming to rest on the silk tied wrist. "Hopefully you and my daughter will clear this little thing up quickly as well." She said nothing more and walked back over to the desk by the fire. Fenris felt the blood drain from his face and he all but shot up the stairs. So she had known. But she wasn't upset, why? Had Hawke talked to her? Did she know more than either of them had assumed? He decided that wasn't important right now and continued on his way to Hawke's room but a door to his left opened up and someone walked right into his path. Fai. As soon as they made eye contact, the darker haired one sent him an apologetic smile and no sooner did Fenris have him slammed up against the wall, markings ablaze and a hand around his neck. The other remained clenched painfully at his side. Fai did not fight it, the pressure around his throat was merely uncomfortable, not life threatening. Instead, he brought his hands up to the sides of his head in a sort of surrender. It seemed he held some guilt of his own without Fenris even needing to say a word.

"I know you're probably very, very upset with me right now, Elf. But this isn't what you should be doing." Fenris let him up off the wall for a split second only to slam him back to it harder than he had before. The jarring motion made Fai's head swim some, but he made no move against his attacker still. "She wants to see you, she was calling your name in delirium all throughout the painful haze. Go to her, you can have your fun with me later. I'm not going anywhere."

Fenris stared the man down. He wanted nothing more than to make this fool suffer for allowing Hawke to be injured but she didn't need the added burden of them fighting. No, this could wait until later. He slowly released his hand from 'round Fai's throat and backed away. The other man let out a low cough and rubbed at his throat. Those damned gauntlets weren't exactly a comfortable neck accessory. The Elf barely paid him anymore mind as he headed down the hall to Hawke's chambers. He tapped lightly on the large oak door and placed a hand on the door handle. At the small 'Enter' he twisted the intricate silver knob and pushed the door open.

The room was dark, only lit by a few candles. Even so, he could easily see the outline of her trusty Mabari curled up comfortably in front of the large four poster bed in the center of the room. His mind reeled back to that night and he took a deep breath. This room held many memories that he both hoped he'd never forget and wished he couldn't remember. But that wasn't important right now, the little white haired bundle wrapped in the blankets was. Hawke pushed herself up in bed and Fenris was at her side in a moment. She let out a little hiss as the movement pulled at her stitches. She shot him an apologetic look as he curled his arm around her shoulders and moved her up onto the large fluffy pillows. Once she was comfortably propped up, he pulled the wooden chair over from her desk and sat at her bedside. He glanced over her, taking in the bandages covering much of her body. Much of her neck and chest were covered, the white cloth peeking out from her house robe. And bits of her arms were either patched in gauze or wrapped as well. He couldn't see farther than that with the blankets, but he imagined her lower half looked much the same.

"I'm very much ashamed you have to see me this way." She glared down at her hands angrily and clenched them tightly into fists.

Ashamed indeed. She'd slipped up at the worst time possible and she paid for it. If it weren't for Ander's quick treatments, she would have lost complete use of her sword arm. Thankfully the Mage had waited until her previous visitors had left before giving her that news. She'd cried like a child. There was still a chance she wouldn't be the same after she healed. The thought of being useless to them, to her family, it broke her. As much as she hated to admit it, her main income had been the rewards they got from taking on missions and the treasures they'd found along the way. Yes, they'd had plenty of gold stored away if they needed it from the Deep Roads Expedition, but Hawke couldn't imagine sitting on her hands and getting fat like the majority of the nobles in high town. If something happened to them, they'd have nothing to fall back on once that wealth was gone.

"Hawke, you act as if a warrior never gets injured, never falls." He fought back the urge to reach out and take her hands in his. "You are alive and that's all that matters."

"Even if I can no longer fight? Is it still all that matters then, Fenris?!" She didn't even notice her voice rising.

"Hawke what d-" She cut him off and he wondered if her injuries were more severe than they'd led him to believe.

She slammed her fist down on the mattress beside her. "I may never wield a sword again, Fenris."

This time he unclasped the buckles to his gauntlets and lay them on the floor at his feet before taking her hand in his.

"You will be just fine." He gave her one of those little half smiles that kicked her heart into overdrive and squeezed her hand gently.

Hawke stared blankly at his face for all of a heartbeat before ripping her hand from his. The motion caused a white hot heat to shoot from her shoulder all the way down to her fingertips but she made no sound. The pain flashed plainly in her eyes but she clenched her fingers tight and turned her gaze away before he could utter a word.

"Flowery words will do me no good now, Fenris. As much as I appreciate them being offered. If I cannot fight, I am rendered useless. To you, to all of the people I've risked my life up until this point to protect. What kind of leader cannot protect her own?" She knew she sounded bitter and had no right, but all of the negative thoughts flowing through just would not cease. She'd never been so foolish before today. She might have been a whelp back in training for all the good she managed to do. And now what? Would he be done with her? As far as the dark recesses of her mind were concerned, she was a means to an end. If she could not help in his fight against his demons, she should be cast away.

"Do you mean to tell me you think that's all you are to Varric? To Aveline? To Isabela, the Abomination and the Blood Mage? To your mother, your little brother? And to me?" Fenris stared on in disbelief. Had his actions in most recent paved these thought's way into her head? Had their previous adventures, the things there group suffered together added up to nothing in this silly little woman's head?

The only response he received for the time was a shuddering gasp that ended what he could have sworn sounded like a sob. No, the Hawke he knew didn't think these things. It was injury and depression that forced these demons of her own out, and he knew she could fight them and would be fine. And even if she couldn't handle it on her own, she most certainly was not alone. She made sure of that, whether she knew it or not. She'd created this little rag tag team of theirs, a family if you will. And even if he didn't like some of the members all that much, every single one of them would die for their leader and her happiness.

"I... I do not know. No... I'm sorry, it was foolish of me to assume such things on my own." He saw her give a wry smile. The lighting of the fire was just enough for him to catch a glimpse of the tear trails on cheeks, both recent and old.

Seeming to have made up a decision, Fenris reached out again and placed his hand over hers. "No matter what you think of me and what happened between us, never place doubt in what the others of the group feel for you." He gave a light squeeze before picking up his gauntlets and turned toward the door.

Fenris placed a hand on the door handle. He took a deep breath, though it was drowned out by the crackling of the fire. 'I wish you didn't have to doubt mine for you, either.' He didn't turn to her, didn't let her see his face. And he certainly couldn't look at hers or he feared his resolve would break. Just because of what happened and her state, he couldn't give in. It would end the same, he knew. And it would break both their hearts. It would do better for her to hate him than hurt more.

"Get better soon, Hawke. You have many people on your side." He said nothing more, only turned the handle and left.

Outside of the room, Fai stood, leaning against the wall. He pinned Fenris with a gaze that set the elf on edge. Fenris focused on his gauntlets, clasping them back into place and staring at them with great interest. He couldn't say he wasn't still upset with the warrior, but he didn't feel right hurting one of Hawke's only support beams he felt that she'd actually lean on right now. Instead he kept his gaze anywhere but on the other swordsman and made his way past.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?" He froze at the low baritone of the dark haired man.

"Excuse me?" Fai grinned, his words having been enough for the Elf to actually acknowledge him.

"You're all of fire and ice. Of calm and storm." All he received from his comment was a glare.

"Love her or let her go." By now he was growling, but Fai wasn't exactly at ease, either. The man stood tall now, no longer using the wall as support. His arms were crossed over the broad expanse of his chest and his eyes seemed to flicker and flare like the fire in Hawke's chamber. He knew Fai was right just as Fai knew this wasn't his . But by marking territory, it might just stir up the troubling emotions needed to get the Elf's ass into gear.

"You know nothing of what happened and you know nothing of me!" Fenris barked out, his own emerald forests valiantly going toe to toe with the crimson flames.

"I know more than you think." If this was true, it seemed that Fenris was right in at least one thing. The two were at the very least good friends. He wasn't about to get into it here, in the middle of an injured woman's home. He cut his losses and continued on to the stairwell.

"Perhaps someone more deserving will come along and sweep our little Hawke off her feet." This stopped him in his tracks once more.

"And who would that be? You?" Fai chuckled at the unbridled rage in the white haired man's voice. He really wasn't very good at hiding it. Or perhaps he was just far too good at his own games.

"Who knows?" Fai dismissed him with the flick of a wrist. As if he were only a fly to wave away and not a dangerous walking weapon. "After all, our little bird deserves to fly."

He didn't speak, didn't move for what seemed like forever. He wanted so badly to turn, to fight, to roar out his outrage. But instead he bit the inside of his cheek, the welling of blood in his mouth calmed his rage for all but a moment and he took that time to storm down the steps and out of the house leaving Bodahn and Leandra utterly confused.

Fai grinned and followed the man as far as the railing. He watched the retreat with knowing eyes and them made his way down to Hawke's door. Lightly rapping his knuckles on the door, he didn't even wait before entering the room. Fai took Fenris' place at her bedside but the chair was left forgotten. Instead, he seated himself on the edge of her bed and held the white haired girl as she cried her heart out. His fingers sifted through the silky strands of her hair as she let it all out and began the true healing process. The Elf was right, she had a wonderful thing here. And the girl he knew didn't really think she was useless to them. She was just scared of the possible change coming her way. But she would be fine, he was sure of it.


End file.
